


The Story of the "Muffin Incident"

by Spacegaywritings



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Cleaning, Cooking, Dad Patton, Eating, Food, Foodies, Gen, Idiots, Shenanigans, dummy family, janus is a mom friend lol., lol, murder mystery card game, roman and patton are just hungry beans, soft stuff, talks of fictional murder and natural disasters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:54:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28672554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spacegaywritings/pseuds/Spacegaywritings
Summary: Janus is known to take care of himself a lot, but he also likes to take care of others. When he invites friends over to enjoy his most recent baked goods with him, Patton and Roman are worried about the muffins they adore so much.
Kudos: 8





	The Story of the "Muffin Incident"

In short: The kitchen was brimming with life.  
For longer descriptions, Janus and his friends Virgil and Logan had come over to help him bake away some things he had over. By now, the muffins were out, semi-warm from the recent baking. The air was full of smells. There was the fruity smell of the filled muffins and the general scent of baked goods. It was the best thing to get home to.  
Patton and Roman, Janus’ dad and .. well, friend? Were done with work and finally back. Since they worked together, they would share cars and safe money and gas on the way (as well as the environment, as some would argue).

Considering everything, there was a lot of things going on in the kitchen. There was a big table between the kitchen and the living room since the two rooms merged into one, only divided by about half a wall. There were people everywhere. There was walking and talking and cooking going on. In the middle of it, Janus started giving out cards to his friends.  
Logan and Virgil received, trying to put on the best of deadpan expressions for playing the most simple of card games.

Patton was a lovely dad, a really lovely one. He enjoyed indulging in great meals - food was his love language. Take him out for eating, prepare food for him or help him cook and offer him some of whatever you are having. Bringing him as much as a bread bun would make his whole day.  
Hence, Janus felt it was more than just a nice gesture to make muffins just in time for his dad to have some rather warm and fresh ones. He had made two different kinds of them - more than three trays. They were basically swimming in muffins.  
Roman was simply a fan of food and since he and Patton worked and drove together, they liked to prepare meals together for eating during lunch time the next day during work.

Everything was ideal.  
There was food, there were people to eat it and it was more than enough for everyone. Roman and Patton started chopping up some vegetables for their lunch at work. Everything was good and fine and normal. Janus sat down to play cards with the others. A simple day, just like any other afternoon.

“Anyone got a seven?”

Logan asked, casually.  
In the background, the first vegetables started hitting the pan, hissing as they came into contact with the heated up oil in it.   
Virgil shrugged and put down a special card - the wish card. You could put it onto anything and then wish for whatever.

“Oh, what do you want, darling?”

The emo shrugged again.

“Diamonds, I guess.”

He seemed indifferent to it, as always. He did not take too much care in these things. Winning, losing. It was all a matter of luck. To him, it did not matter. Instead, he looked away from his muffins, picking at it. There were lavender raspberry ones, then there were caramel chocolate ones, obviously with chunks of dark chocolate inside of it.  
Virgil had a chocolate one. He plucked a piece off of it, gently squeezing it between his finger tips. The chocolate smudged a bit, so he grimaced a bit and put it into his mouth. The taste was good enough to wash even his deepest scowl away. He savoured the taste in his mouth. His eyes blinked a bit, slowly, just like a comfortable cat.

“Those are really good.”

Janus nodded.  
A placid feeling curled his lips into a smile. He was obviously pleased with the information. Logan was already on his second half of the muffin when Janus put down the desired diamond card.

“There you go.”

Virgil returned the kind expression.

“Thank you.”

The heads turned to Logan. It was his turn.  
From the middle of the kitchen, Patton and Roman were giggling as they cut up their vegetables. It was their future food - that was important. Janus shrugged it off, mentally. The two were always talking about work, sometimes complaining or gossiping but definitely talking about it. Working with people did that to you. There was always something to be talk about, there were always people to talk about.  
They were unpredictable, sort of. Hence, it was usually a rather interesting topic. But for now, Janus was with friends, so he tried his best to ignore the voices and calls from the kitchen. Well, he attempted it for a while.

“Janus?”

There was a worry in Patton’s voice. It was a subtle tone, barely audible. Janus shrugged it off. This was a satirical kind of family. People could not take one another that serious. He took a bit of his muffin, chewing as he looked at Patton from his cards. He arched one single eyebrow.

“What about the muffins?”

He blinked in surprise.

“Do you need me to walk through it again? Logan put down a seven. Virgil cursed softly but drew two cards and returned with a simple spade - an eight. Time to skip over Janus. He acknowledged the change with a simple nod and put his cards down, getting up for a moment.

“Those over here, dad”, he gestured at the trays of muffins, particularly indicating the side of the darker, smaller muffins, “are the chocolate caramel ones.”  
He gesture over to another one - they seemed whiter, softer-looking. Also, there were pink spots all over them.  
“There are with the lavender and white chocolate, also they have the usual raspberries in there. I actually prefer them but you can try them both and see about it.”

Patton smiled. Still, there was a doubtful hint in his glance.

“You already ate some of them?”

Janus directed his attention to the table where they were playing. There were some soiled pieces of muffin paper.  
He shrugged for a moment.

“Yeah, sure. I had to test my own creation and pick favourites. I have some ingredients left, so I might have to make some more.”

Patton nodded. Roman was cooking in the background but he shot the familial dyad some concerned glances. Janus only caught a glimpse of it. He furrowed his eyebrows for a moment but shrugged it off, mentally.  
Time to ignore it.  
Usually, Roman was just thinking about this and that and frowned at the air. Maybe he was worried about getting some more muffins or wanted to check out the looks in order to judge its level of “eatability”. He was a hungry man, always up for a snack and another snack. During food, he would talk and think about food. It was impressive. He still kept a rather respectable figure, to be fair. So, it was not like anyone could judge him about anything.

Janus returned to his space, examining the cards. It changed to spades by now.

“We skipped over you again”, Logan informed him. The host nodded at his guests. He replied with one of his last cards.  
“This is my last, guys.”

Virgil inhaled dramatically.

“Logan, here it goes. He’s gonna exterminate us.”

The man rolled his eyes, a soft smile on his face. He put down a seven. Virgil looked over, then smirked. He, too, placed down a seven.

“Go big or go home, Janus ~”

The emo was smirking at him, arching an eyebrow. Slowly, Janus started drawing one card, then two and three and the last one, the final number four. Virgil giggled, even Logan seemed to smirk benignly even though it was small and barely visible. Logan did have feelings, too.  
The trio made some more conversation, eventually ending the game (with Logan winning, of course) and starting yet another one. This time, it was not just regular cards, it was a murder mystery card game.

There was a vague situation, described by Logan (since he had won the previous game). In this case, Virgil and Janus had to guess what had happened in order for this death or murder to have happened. Was it an accident, was it suicide or murder?   
Every mystery usually uncovered a ridiculously dumb yet interesting story. Some of them were based on real-life events.   
The trio enjoyed the game more than enough. It was a tradition to play it together at least once when meeting up together.

“Uh, we gotta go after that. Getting dark. Not gonna drive in the dark.”

Virgil shifted in his seat. Janus glanced over to the kitchen. Logan rolled his eyes ever so softly, slightly sighing.

“Virgil, again: my driving style is more than careful enough in order to minimise the risk of causing an accident. Actually, driving later is safer as there will be less people, thus less potential accident risks.”

The emo stretched over the table, groaning dramatically.

“Shuuuuuush, I won’t drive when it is fucking night. Dark means extra danger and you driving is enough of kicking my anxiety today.”

Janus nodded sagely.  
To be fair, he was a bit distracted, staring into the little shenanigans in the kitchen. If he was not mistaken, he could see Patton and Roman give each other subtle signals. There were glances, feelings, messages.  
Janus could not help but arch an eyebrow at them. Roman snatched something from a nearby drawer. It was the drawer holding nothing but a bunch of containers. Nothing too special. Still, it seemed off to Janus, striking him as more than unusual considering Patton and Roman had their special work containers outside, so they could identify their lunch for the next day within moments of looking into the fridge.

... so, why would they get even more containers out?  
Before Janus, yet another mystery unravelled. This time, neither the punk nor the slightly more composed friend were there to participate in the guessing game, answering questions and ruling out certain scenarios.  
No, he was alone on that - the answers were all in the details. So, like a true professional in the art of bullshit, Janus split his attention in order to monitor the idiocy his dad was committing with his friend while at the same time paying attention to the extremely serious and significant game his friends and he were playing.

“Okay, whatever. We are gonna work up the driving ladder or whatever. Next time we are gonna leave later.”

Janus chipped in.

“It is summer, it will be lighter outside if you leave later. The days are getting longer.”

Virgil blushed, raising his voice a bit more.

“Anyway! I am super interested in finding out how that dude died! Was, uh, that thing - like - murder?”

Logan tried very hard not to roll his eyes or at least a rather sarcastic comment off his tongue.

“You want to know whether the incident involved murder?”

Virgil did the eye roll for him, commenting the whole ordeal with a “duh” as he pulled up his shoulders. Janus nodded, noticing how Roman dashed away some of the muffins. That was what the containers were for.

“Yes, it did.”

Virgil cheered, popping the rest of his muffin into his mouth.

“Fwuck pweopwle”, he chewed out in his ultimate grace. He was an endlessly well-mannered person. Janus was proud of him.

“I agree to all of these. Let me get you more muffins, alright?”

Janus got up, taking a small plate with him. It had harboured muffins for them before but was now left empty. Another little plate was next to it, holding nothing but the dirty paper muffin cups that used to keep the muffins in a practical and portable state.

“I would like a chocolate one, please.”

Virgil shrugged.

“Honestly, give me both. Fuck dinner.”

Janus shrugged, retrieving the muffins. He strove into the kitchen, making a point to cross all the way over to the stove to look at Roman.

“No more baking until you literally ate all of them, you glutton.”

Patton eyed him, worry in his crystal clear eyes. There was panic, there was alertness - for the muffins. The man was worried about not getting enough food. Meanwhile, Roman pouted at the store, giving Janus puppy dog eyes. Roman and Janus were closer in age to one another but Janus was the youngest among all people present (safe for Logan who was just a few months younger, really).

“Hey, why?”

Janus gave him a deadpan expression and moved on, filling the plate with four muffins - one for Logan, for himself and then the two different ones for Virgil. The dude really needed some food in his life.

“You know why~”

The young host returned to his friends, settling in.

“Just that gave and we are outta here, ya?”

Janus nodded at Virgil.

“Have it your way, darling. So, how about that - did the victim actually die?”

A decided shake of Logan’s head was the play master’s answer. The guessing friends exchanged knowing looks, parallel to Roman and Patton giving each other knowing glances. Janus was onto them. They knew they were doomed as much as the fictional victim of the youths’ crime card game.

“Woah, did the victim kill someone?”

Virgil’s eyes were wide in bewilderment, showing a great deal of aggravation. The host looked around, trying to piece things together.

“Maybe the victim barely survived something and it is someone else’s death we have to figure out.”

Logan looked at them from behind his glasses, silently observing and evaluating them.

“Are those your questions?”

The duo nodded, their movements in perfect sync, almost as if it had been planned.

“Alright, then. Virgil, you are right. The victim did cause another person’s demise.”

They exchanged excited glances. Janus was smiling ever so softly. As a reward, he bit into his own little muffin. Virgil was already halfway through with his first out of two sweet treats.

“Hey hey, we got it going~”

Logan scowled.

“Swallow, then speak, Virgil. Please.”

The punk shook his head, swallowing before sticking his tongue out at the holder of secrets and answers.

“However, as to your question, Janus, you are right about the survival and wrong about the other person’s death. You know someone died, murdered by the victim we are talking about. There is no more information you need to know about this, I suppose.”

Janus nodded.

“Ah, well. Did the victim and their victim nearly kill one another, hence the murder and our victim in question being safe?”

Virgil nodded wildly.

“Good question”, Logan complimented warmly, “but no.”

The punk pouted.

“Rude. Just change the story for us. We need some feelings of victory. We both fucked up against you in playing cards already.”

He shook his head rigidly.

“Not happening, Virgil. Guess harder.”

He tried again, a bit softer after he saw Virgil cringe and Janus stick out his tongue in spite.

“Alright. I think you are on a good way but how about you try to rethink some ideas, huh?”

Janus shrugged, finishing his own muffin yet again. His fingers curled around his tea mug and brought it up to his mouth, so he could drink some of it. Slowly, he slurped a bit of it, testing the temperature. It was much cooler by now, basically lukewarm. It was perfect for drinking it much like water.   
Yes, room temperature! That was the thing.  
He swallowed, rolling his tongue inside of his mouth. For a moment, he savoured the precious taste of warm, self-made baking goods on his taste buds.

“Alright, then. Was the murder in public?”

Logan nodded, making Virgil perk up.

“Holy shit, you are doing it, Jan!”

He shifted in his seat, abandoning his muffing half for a moment.

“Okay, shit -”

“Language!”

Virgil pouted.

“Fucking dammit, then -”

Patton rolled his eyes in the background, a scowl on his pure dad face.

“So, did the police come and all? Were there witnesses?”

Logan’s glasses seemed to be glistening for a moment. He did the anime thing, pushing them up as they reflected the light perfectly. Virgil grinned at him, knowingly and amusedly.

“The police did come - there is no account of witnesses given on the card.”  
He flipped it over, checking it for a moment in order to see whether he had not missed out on just a single small detail.

“You are good, there is no witnesses mentioned but it is implied, considering the police was there.”

Virgil and Janus looked at one another. The fictional detectives were back on their bullshit. They mentally communicated for a moment, then realised they could simply.. talk, you know? Like people.

“If the police came, then probably, that person was involved in a trial or something else.”

Virgil nodded, contributing his own set of thoughts.

“Either someone wanted to get some revenge on them or whatever but could not but they were in jail or in court or whatever. In any case, they could not get to them.”

Janus arched his eyebrow, turning his head to look at Logan. He tried to ignore the food-stealing Patton and Roman for a moment. It crossed his mind but he quickly abandoned it again.

“Was there a person after the murderer?”

Logan shook his head. The keeper of secrets put down his card, covering it up with his hand.

“The cards are not saying anything about that.”

Virgil smacked the table in excitement.

“So, there was something happening, not someone??”

Logan’s eyes seemed to gleam yet again.

“Precisely.”

The discovering duo looked at one another yet again. Suspicion rose and at the same time, the thrill to find out, to be close to the discovery of a great mystery.   
In a way, they really were.

“A natural disaster happened?”

The two said it at the same times. Their eyes narrowed at one another in suspicion, amusement and pure excitement. Slowly, Logan picked up his card once more and nodded slowly.

“I suppose you could say so.”

There was just the slightest bit of a smile on his face. Virgil cupped his muffin again and slowly worked through the rest of it. Now, it was time to reward himself and indulge in the muffins. Janus vaguely considered packing up some muffins for his friends but at the same time... revenge was sweet, as sweet as his baked goods.  
Consequences were much nicer than giving, at least to him.

He leaned forward, a look of conspiracy all over his face.

“Well, well, well. This person killed someone, then was put into jail and thus safe due to a natural disaster happening which hurt everyone but him.”

Logan turned the card and put it down between Janus and Virgil. Slowly, he started reading out the full solution.

“HELL YEAH!”

Virgil cheered impulsively. He jumped up, raising his hand for a high-five with Janus. The host was more than up for it, quickly meeting him in the middle of the table. Then, they both gave Logan a fired-up double high-five. The glassed youth accepted the gesture with his exposed palms.

“Good job.”

Virgil shifted back into his seat, suddenly a bit awkward. He looked down and started pulling at the ends of his sleeves. Janus reached out for his head, gently ruffling his hair.

“There, there. Logan is a safe driver and he will bring you back home safe and sound right now.”

The friends exchanged looks for another moment. They all got back up, walking around the table to engulf one another in soft hugs. The reassuring touch was nice, warm and welcoming. There was a reluctance in everyone’s movements when they pulled back. Virgil rubbed his eyes, smudging more of his eyeliner.

“You look like a raccoon.”

Virgil hissed.

Logan pursed his lips in a small smile.

“Do raccoons his?”

Virgil crossed his arms before his chest. His feet carried him to the front door.

“I do!”

Janus sighed. A playfully weary nod came from him. Lethargically, he trudged behind Virgil. He was the perfect company for friends putting their shoes back on.

“He is a special raccoon”, he joked softly, leaning closer to Logan. His back was against the wall behind him. Above him was a family photo. It was the first thing anyone would see when coming back home or entering their house for the first time.

“I am an amazing raccoon, you jealous hater~”

Logan chuckled.

“Put on your jackets, don’t forget it is cold outside, even when you will be in a car.”

Virgil rolled his eyes.

“Yes, of course, mooooom-”

His tone was soft annoyance but he was grinning like an idiot. It was an inside joke that Jan was the mom of the group. He was the one to announce meetings, to arrange get-togethers and provide food, transportation and shelter. At the very least, he regularly offered it. When people were around him, he tried to make them comfortable with candles and food and reassuring talks or words.

The trio giggled softly.  
As requested, jackets were put on and shoes stomped on the floor.

“Thank you. Alright, I will see you soon, then?”

It was a regular sentence yet Janus pronounced it like a vague question. Logan stepped outside with Virgil, nodding in approval.

“We wanted to plan that thing.. that eating thing.. “

Logan nodded.

“We wanted to meet up for a small dinner party next, as Virgil said. We only need to find a date. I thing next Thursday seemed rather plausible to the majority of people in our group.”

The host gave an affirmative sign.

“Until then, we will be in contact via our group chat. I will see you there. Be safe.”

The two left with soft smiles on their faces and waving motions determining their hands. When the door shut, their hands intertwined in a search for comfort and warmth as they walked to the car in the progressing fall of darkness over the land.

Janus turned away from the door, content and loving expression falling from him. He pushed back into the kitchen.

“I cannot believe you two. Any of you - really.”

Roman and Patton were packing up their lunches for the next work day. They exchanged guilty looks, awkward smiles adding up to their admitting silence.  
Janus leaned over to the drawer full of containers and drew a bowl from it. Tin foil covered the piece of plastic.  
Roman’s body flinched as he started to remove it. Patton seemed to look similarly paled and pained by the events before him.

Slowly, Janus ripped the tin foil off of the bowl, revealing bit by bit how many muffins Roman had stashed away.

“Listen, listen!! It was an act if desperation!””

Patton chirped up. Roman immediately jumped in, verbally affirming him with “yes”s and otherwise nodding. The youngest one simply blinked, expression deadpan and stonefied.

“Desperation?”

He walked over to the oven to pull out a whole tray of muffins. He pointed at it, then walked over to the tray standing on the kitchen counter and cooling down. The “third” tray (it has never been fully used, it was only half- muffin, this time) was already empty. He picked it up and brought it over to the sink, starting to clear more of the kitchen away by loading the dishwasher while Roman and Patton cluttered around him like idiotic chickens.   
They made noise and even more noise as they tried to explain simply what the hell they were doing there.

“So, you know, you were eating these muffins with your friend and last time your friend Logan was here, he took some food with him.”

Janus nearly dropped the pan Roman had used just a few minutes ago. There was some residue from onions and other vegetables he had been preparing for his and Patton’s lunch the next day. Janus rinsed it in the sink, gripping its handle tighter than necessary.

“You were concerned about what? Even if he had taken a whole fucking tray with him, you guys would have been fine! There is a whole other tray over there!”

Again, he indicated to the oven. It still smelled of fresh muffins but also of regrets and greasy vegetables. It was a curious blend of scents.

“No, you have to understand.”

Patton’s dominant hand was placed on his chest, right above his heart.

“See, we were worried about the food and we could not think clearly anymore. You know about the way we are, right? Come on, now.”

He offered an apologetic smile. Janus turned to them, glaring as as he put the final pan into the dishwasher and filled it up with the proper things to start it. Loose powders and some extra liquid to keep glass things from becoming milky or stained from water droplets.

“You are incredulous. I cannot believe you. I told you I was going to make yet another batch - almost three trays of new muffins. I told you I could make them tonight, right now! Yet, you are too worried about having enough muffins to yourself? You guys never eat everything. This is precisely why I ask Logan to take some things home for his family, too!”

He sighed dramatically. Patton let a soft “oops” roll off his tongue. Roman shrugged, uncomfortable while Janus started the dishwasher and turned to wash his hands.

“You guys, I just cannot with you. How can you be so hot on food. It was freshly made and I could literally offer you the same the next day.”

Roman pouted.

“Hey, this was an emergency situation! We were cooking here, unable to eat more muffins because we were busy and you guys.. you kept getting up for more of these tasty treats.”

Patton squeezed himself against his friend.

“Oh yes! And, considering how desperate we were, it is just a really good compliment for how amazing your baking skills are! I mean, we were willing to really humiliate ourselves in front of us. That is a really big kind of praise~”

He blinked, his eyes trying to convince of how amazing and fool-proof his arguing was. However, he was met with no more than a towel shooting at him.

“The sink is a mess and so is the stove.”

Janus shot back as he put the remaining full tray back into the oven, so he could wipe the surface clean.”

Roman whined.

“Aw, come on. Now that this is over, we can all laugh about it and joke and we ..”, he lowered his voice, “ can have our muffins..”

All of a sudden, Janus turned around, glaring daggers at the dramatic food lover. He threw yet another towel he had found in the kitchen.

“Clean up, you failed adult!”

He rolled his eyes and got some containers for the rest of the muffins, slowly and carefully placing them inside, one by one. He glared at Roman and Patton whenever they so much as even dared to look into his direction as they cleaned up the messes they had created in the kitchen.

When they were all done, Janus sighed softly. He stored the remaining and sheltered muffins next to the chocolate sprinkles on the kitchen counter. The muffins did not have to be refrigerated for at least one or two more days.  
He let himself fall into his chair, gathering up the cards they had been playing with.

“You know, I will not make anything new for you guys until you ate all the muffins. You have two trays until the end of this week. You won’t even get a bite of my lasagna.”

Roman gasped loudly but Patton held him back from pronouncing outrageous claims of “unfair!!” and so on.

“Alright then, you know us as good eaters and we will do exactly that!”

He turned to Roman, leaning in as he lowered his voice.

“Free food! We won!”

They shared a loud, slapping high-five at which Janus could simply roll his eyes.

“I am living together with a bunch of idiots.”

Still, he was smiling.  
His phone made a sound.

“Back home safe.”

Virgil was alright. Just a few minutes after that, Logan sent him a similar message. He smiled at got up to put the cards away. Now, it was time for a of much-needed self-care.  
Especially in this crazy household.  
He sighed.

“I love you absolute dorks”, he called into the kitchen as he left into his room. Roman and Patton were ion each other’s arms, half-hugging as they consumed their first criminal muffins.

“Love you too!!”

“Thanks for the muffins!”  
.  
.


End file.
